Repressed
by HP Slash Luv
Summary: Scorpius has married Lily. But why isn't he happy? Draco knows.


**Written For:**

**Quidditch Fanfiction League Competition: **Falcons - Round 8  
Keeper - Reversed: Lack of Centre, Lost Inner Voice, Repressed Feelings

**Hogwarts: **Writing Club  
Assorted Appreciation - 17. Clarg - Write about having a cup of tea together.  
Disney Challenge - Themes 5. Acceptance - Write about a character accepting something, be it themselves, or someone else.  
Showtime 5 - 22. Dear Theodosia: (relationship) father&child  
Love in Motion: Family - Draco&Scorpius

**Hogwarts: **365 Prompts  
Prompt - Venture

Betaed by my fabulous teammates Lucy and Elizabeth.

**Repressed**

Scorpius smiled. Or at least he did his best to smile. He hoped it didn't look as forced as it felt.

His father eyed him, concern shining in eyes that were so much like his own.

Scorpius arched an eyebrow. 'Are you okay?' he mouthed.

'Are you okay?' his father mouthed right back.

Scorpius took a deep breath and straightened his spine. He was fine. It was just wedding day jitters. So what if he felt like he was going to be sick? He was sure that was completely normal.

And then the music started, and his future wife walked down the aisle. She was such a beautiful bride. Her red hair was done in a complicated hairstyle, and the dress made her look so breathtaking. Her makeup was done to perfection; she looked like a princess.

Lily smiled at him, her green eyes shining brightly.

He attempted to return the smile as she walked towards him, but he had to swallow down a rush of bile. If he vomited all over the floor, he would have some explaining to do.

Maybe she'd believe it was a simple illness?

He doubted it, though. Lily was no fool.

When she reached him and grabbed his hand in a loving hold, Scorpius felt the need to pull it away, but he didn't. That would raise even more questions about what was wrong with him.

Instead, he faced the Lord that was overseeing the ceremony and said the vows that he was expected to say. He looked into Lily's eyes and promised her an eternity of love, devotion, and fidelity. The words tasted like lies on his lips.

When Lily spoke the same words, they rang true.

He felt like the worst human being in the world.

They exchanged rings. His hand shook as he tried to place it on her ring finger. He had trouble slipping it on, and Lily laughed good-naturedly, taking his hand to still it and then helping him get it on her finger. "A little nervous, aren't you?" she quietly teased.

He wondered how funny she'd find it if she knew how deep his doubts ran.

And then it was time to kiss her. He hesitated, and she tilted her head, watching him with shrewd eyes. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He bent down and pressed his lips against hers. She wound her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his, whimpering into his mouth.

He wanted to run and never look back. A beautiful girl was kissing him, vowing to love him forever, and he wanted to run away. What was wrong with him?

When he could do it without raising suspicion, he broke the kiss and took a step back. This whole thing felt so wrong. Kissing her felt so wrong.

He knew he was making a huge mistake, but what he didn't know was why.

X

Scorpius watched the two of them together. He glanced at Lily as she threw her head back with a loud laugh. It should make him smile, but it didn't. A smile didn't come to his face until his eyes turned to her companion. Albus and Lily had an extremely close relationship. He's over at their house almost every day, but Scorpius didn't mind it. In fact, he enjoyed it immensely when Albus came over.

With a mind of their own, his eyes drifted down, taking in Albus' lanky, but subtly, muscled form. He swallowed as he imagined what the body might look like naked and writhing.

Scorpius quickly shook his head and turned his back on the pair. He walked away as fast as he dared.

Still, Lily saw his quick retreat. "Scorpius, you okay?"

Scorpius waved over his shoulder, a universal gesture of 'fine,' hoping that would appease her enough to not follow him. Thankfully, it seemed to work.

Once he was to the safety of the inside, he collapsed and took deep breaths. "I'm okay. I'm okay. Everything's going to be okay."

Why didn't he believe himself?

X

Scorpius stepped out of the fireplace, landing on the plush carpet of his childhood home. His father sat on the couch with a tea set in front of him. "Hello, Scorpius."

For the first time in days, Scorpius was able to breathe. His father's presence always had that effect on him. "Hey, I'm glad you weren't too busy for a visit."

"I'm never too busy for you. I'm surprised you have the time, though. You're a newlywed. Shouldn't you be spending all of your time with Lily?"

Scorpius flinched at the reminder of his wife. "Um, no, I think she's going to her own parents' house." He sat down and grabbed his own cup of tea, taking a sip and nearly slumping in relief at the taste. It was prepared just the way he liked it.

Draco narrowed his eyes. "Scorpius, what's wrong?"

Scorpius forced a laugh, but it sounded like it was ripped from his throat. "What do you mean? Why would anything be wrong?"

Draco carefully placed his cup down. A light click as it landed on the tray sounded loud in the stillness around them. "Son, I know you. I know you better than anyone. I know when something's wrong."

Scorpius stared into the teacup, studying it like it held the mysteries of the world. "Before you married Mom, did you ever have doubts? Did you ever think you were making the biggest mistake of your life? Did you ever feel like you were going to be physically ill at the prospect of marrying her?"

"No, never," Draco answered without any hesitation. "Well, I shouldn't say that. I felt slightly sick." When Scorpius looked up at his father with a hopeful expression, his relief was quickly washed away. "I felt slightly sick due to the sheer giddiness that I felt at the prospect of marrying the love of my love. The sheer giddiness I felt that she actually said yes when I asked her to marry me."

Scorpius went back to staring into his teacup. "Oh."

"Not the answer you wanted to hear, I take it?"

"No, not even close."

His father's larger hand came and took the teacup out of his unresisting fingers. "Do you think marrying Lily was a mistake?"

Scorpius had nothing to do but look into his father's eyes. "I think so. I'm trying to love her like I'm supposed to, but I can't do it. She's beautiful, sweet, fun, and smart. She's everything I could ever want. So what's wrong with me?"

Draco sighed. "I wasn't sure if I was ever going to venture onto this subject with you."

"What subject?"

"Scorpius, are you gay?"

Scorpius jumped up. "How can you say that? I might not love Lily, but I'm not like that!"

His father remained calm. "I've seen the way you stare at Albus. If you were in love with Albus, I had hoped you'd come to the realization before you married his sister. When you didn't say anything as the wedding approached, I thought maybe I had imagined things that weren't there. I was right, though. You're in love with Albus."

"I'm not in love with Albus. I'm not gay! If I was, I wouldn't even be able to shag Lily."

Draco shook his head. "You'd be surprised how many married men are actually gay, but they're in denial. They are still able to have relations with their wives; they're just surviving instead of living."

"I'm not gay!" Scorpius shouted.

Draco didn't look away from his enraged son. "Scorpius, no matter what, I will love you. I'm not like the old Pure-bloods. I don't share their ideals, at least not anymore. I don't care if you love a man. I just want you to be happy, and I don't think you'll be happy until you accept it."

Scorpius glared. "Stop talking! I'm not gay! I'm not gay! I can't be! I'm normal."

"There's nothing wrong with being gay. There's nothing abnormal about it," Draco tried.

"Stop talking!" Scorpius shouted again, his hands pressed to his ears, as if to block out the terrible words spewing from his father's lips, before he jumped up and ran out of the manor. He probably shouldn't apparate when he was this upset, but he didn't care. He just wanted to get out of there.

He landed just outside of his flat, by some miracle not splinching himself, and rushed inside. Lily and Albus were both there.

Lily blinked. "How did the visit with your dad go?"

"Why are you here? You're supposed to be at your parents' house."

Lily slowly stood up. "Albus and I decided to hang out here. Scorp, what's wrong? Did you get into a fight with your dad?"

He refused to look at Albus who also stood. Out of the corner of his eye, he swore he saw a frown on the other man's face, but since Scorpius wasn't really looking, he couldn't be sure. In a flash, he was on Lily, pressing his lips against hers in an urgent kiss, clutching her waist and holding her body to his as if his life depended on it.

Lily returned the heated kiss, albeit hesitantly.

When Scorpius pulled back, he panted, the rush of adrenaline making his face bright red and hot to the touch.

Lily's eyes were wide. "That was surprising. Scorpius, I'm going to ask you again. Are you okay?"

"Fine, I'm just fine. I am a bit tired, though. I'm going to go lay down."

He walked to their bedroom without acknowledging Albus once. Maybe the thoughts would go away if he acted like Albus didn't exist. If he didn't look at Albus, his father's words would be lies.

"Fine, I'm just fine," he muttered as he laid down on the comfortable bed. And maybe one day, he'd believe it.

XX

(word count: 1,649)


End file.
